14th Feb :(:

 

14th Feb..Today is valentine day ,I have been absconding from this space and wanted to do a comeback for long for now, I have been waiting for the right day to arrive and today it feels just right !!

I remember college days when me and my friend Pradeep waited for this day i.e 14th Feb secretly ,but always disliked the glorified hype around this day and we use to bitch about it, Soon Bitiching became habit and we preferred staying aloof from this day every year, year on year and maintain our Separateness from this so called” Valentine day”.

Later as year progressed we had ample reasons to celebrate this day every year but we kept on ditching it in some way or other..Sometime our group of friend would hear our phone saying “not reachable” and sometime some girls would just feel bad and digest the fact that valentine day is just like a sour grapes.

It’s sometime strange as what made me stay away from this day has been completely forgotten, all I now feel within is that I don’t need a special day to express my love and one day when I feel like doing something special for someone (Dooby) I will just go ahead and celebrate this day.

Cost of every step !!

I have been a friends friend for every friend of mine, I don’t know how many friends did I actually had all my life till now but with time most of them have just stayed back as funny names (Stupid names that we called our friends with) in my phone book. Life shot responsibility at me a lot early before I predicted I still remember the day when I heard my dad telling me in a hard and a serious voice that he won’t be able to support my studies thereon and would want me to take the ownership for the same and then kya everything changed !! soon I saw my life stuck in between a life of a teenager and matured guy, a 19 yr young boy attending lectures from 7 – 10 and later working from 12 -9 was a definition of life for me..When my shoes size remained stable is when I saw the picture a lot clear, I realized what combination of a person I had become after having completed my studies (MBA)..I was genetically built to be a very smart qualified person to move aggressively towards my dream and live the responsible life like a grown up man but at the same time was also a part of a corporate lifestyle (office circle) which I could experience but at the cost of many regrets, My colleagues working with me had not introduced themselves to the word “Saving” which resulted they having  a lot of unspent mullahs, wherein me who learnt the word “Accountability” at the age of 19 was responsible for every single penny spent..So after  month on month tallying my balance sheet with a decent profit cut with all expenses ,somehow I managed to live a satisfied life with no regrets .I could not be a part of everyone’s circuit hence I limited myself to few  and made friends for life.

Year 2011 is a unforgettable year for me after year 1986,I guess I would not share the connection here on this page ,but will definitely say that it’s been a grief to see some close people walk out of my life recent been my dear friend Manu ,Manu was a dear friend of mine for my early MBA days and it seems like I will close another chapter of a his great relationship ,I pray to god that he maintains a balance in my life as I don’t want to see a day lived were my dreams are fulfilled but at the cost of people who really cared for them. Manu surely was one whom I lost!!

Next blog I might mourn over our lost friendship and the reason for it!!

An Evening ..

After last incident Me and Su dint break up !! we though almost did separated for a while but guess its not yet the time for us to say goodbye ,Our relationship have crossed a good 5 months time for now and we have grown quick since then,She has changed so much and i am very happy to say that all this is just for me,Not many know that what Su was until a year back,from been a girl very dedicated towards her work and family today she has made me fit in a special place in her life and i am so glad that she bestowed me with that privilege of been that special person in her life.

We from a very formal approach to a very casual one today has been a quick journey of 1 year 2 months,today we fight ,gossip,love and do many more things with an easy and not forcefulness and it feels really good,anyways so this is all what i have to say about my life but other then that if you ask me  about the work my friends and health ,all not really something that is worth discussing here but i do rather share a piece of story with you people which is a recent small booze party with my close friends Shashank and Pradeep.

Yesterday with a bad throat and a little fever i returned home and saw my pradeep and Shas busy on my laptop,one asked me the reason for me been so late and i replied with my grumpy face that work load is too much these days,they too looked tired though but then i cannot ignore the fact that its’ not always these days that we get a chance to see each others face at a time..gone those days when distance were just a few walk from each others place ,so a tiring work and a sick body not by any chance could stop us from hitting a nearby bar to catch a booze,Hence we went to our regular local bar as we entered the bar owner on the counter saw all of us and smiled and said ” arrey wha aaj bohat din baad” we too smiled and said “kya karega” and took our seats and ordered booze.

We had a lot to discuss but then as usual our lot of focus was towards ordering less booze and more of chakna (We are healthy rare species of boozers who always ever since we started boozing have been more about food and less about booze) shashank was silent and sad and i could make out a rare look on his face,i wanted to ask him the reason but suddenly pradeep started with his conversation on his lost career and i had to give him a support shoulder  but what still was bothering me was shas’s grumpy lost face ,we all know shas since his childhood days,one person who never shares his issue/problems and prefers to gulp down a lot of emotions inside and live onn and these time too he was not different ,Soon with pradeeps one liner and a lot of gossip  and food time flew quick and after few hours we cleared the bill and went home smiling.

At night when i was about to sleep,my phone vibrated,it was shashank’s  sms which he does normally after booze session thanking us for the wonderful time,but this time he had to say something ,this girl to whom shas use to silently chat 24/7 and who probably  was the only gal to whom shas been very close all his life and never admitted that he actually liked her is getting engaged this week and he wanted us to stand by him during his this tough time,i felt very depressed as i knew that what that girl meant to shas even though most of the time we had pulled his leg over that gals topic but fact is he genuinely loved her and he has lost his first love !!

She too rejected me !!

They say when the sea is silent,its a worrying situation as then you know that this silence is a indication of a disastrous storm !!

Mumbai city is glowing today as Lord Ganesh is all around the town while everyone on street is dancing and enjoying  this most awaited festival ,i too am in a bit of devotional mood ,me a big foodie who loves Non-veg has decided to take a break from it ,wen Lord Ganesha is around i limit my appetite to veg and take a break from Alcohol and Non-veg,their is no fine intention behind all this sacrifices but just a small way of showing a respect and devote towards this festival and emotions of people attached towards it.

Every year i visit Lal bhag ka Raja with my friends and it is such a devotional feeling to stand in those long que and finally arrive on to the giant feet of Lord Ganesha,With close eyes and this hands folded all i ask is a love and a blessed life for me and other loved ones of mine.

This years has  bought a lot of turn around in my life which has forced me to take some life changing decisions ,and the most unfortunate part of all this is that i have not initiated any of this turn around..its all circumstances,today when i thought that finally all the cracker have bursted  is when suddenly i see another twist in this melodramatic life of mine.

Su and i had this major fight on Sunday on a small topic,i yelled at her and abused her and tears rolled over her eyes and it was all bad,i took this fight as just another fight and moved on with it the next day and decided to meet in evening and i confessed that i was wrong and pleaded sorry and we kissed and i forgot the whole incident without knowing the damage which was already done !!

this morning after having spoken to Su over phone i carried on a normal day like usual,in office we had a company meeting which announced some surprising decisions taken by the management on which i shared some gossip with my office  colleagues and bosses,later afternoon after a crisp chat with Su ,she broke her conversation showing some ready-made uncomfortableness towards this relationship and it took me few chats to realize that i had hit the bottom and my days of Romance was over ,she wanted to let go herself from this so called “Relationship”.

It all happened so quick that i dint had time to react and my best reaction was to just close eyes ,she had said those few lines over a period of time but this time it was different and it was enough for me to know that she has blown the whistle,i dint wanted to tell her anything as the best side of me i had already shown to her in this one year and if we still see this coming then their is limited words to express the feeling..i decided to end the conversation as i saw another person freeing herself from me and it was the same me ,i ended the conversation asking her to reconsider what she was doing and return back with a appropriate decision of hers…but i guess curtains have fallen and we have had last our laugh (In real)  !!

Without LOVE for next 24 hrs

Differences seems to be never ending between me and su, as every day unfolds itself i see a new difference been discovered between us,like today,its been quite sometime that i have been thinking about anisha and i infact have been hanging around Su almost everyday and it feels like a person who has shifted from his old home to a new home and now he is finding the new place more better then the older one, and yes old home always have this beautiful memories with it but with anisha i don’t care about the old memories anymore lol !!,anyways coming back to the differences,today’s day was a booked full house day for me and this  until yesterday night  gave me a very sound happy feeling but then when i woke up this morning with a a choked nose i was devastated and the day went worst as i soaked couple of hankies by the time it was afternoon,having struggles with meetings and my broken tap i had something else that i was remotely struggling on the other side,and that was a good conversation with su,Morning she called and i was busy and then i called she was busy and then she again called and i was busy and again i called the she was busy and it went onn like this until we both got irritated and made a self opinion about each other that we are doing this purposely,well this self opinion also stroked out some rude conversation in its process of eruption and when su said  something that she might have not assumed could be so hurting for me but then as it was related to a old disastrous love story of mine with Anisha,I was heart broken…so now the question arises is what did su said like this that shattered me ?? …well she dint said infact she asked me  “don’t you feel that we should take a break in this relationship for a day or two”, now it doesn’t sound that bad actually for any 3rd person but with my past life i had myself saying this to anisha on a numerable times and i remember every time  how she use to get angry over me for this…but this time surprisingly su said this to me and i felt really bad and now i know how it feels to be on the other side of it :(…

any ways i decided to actually go ahead and  simply implement this and see what will happen if this word is put into practice and hence me and su have decided to be a complete strangers for tomorrow .i.e next 24 hrs..

lets bring a climax to this topic as to what happens after this…will be interesting  to know  🙂 he he

Failed :(

 

Its been more then 2 years since i have been working with this company and i have already got the best account manager  for the year 2010 – 2011 and few more small certificates  and boy what a proud movement was that for me then,So this new people who join the organization listen to our success stories  and take learning out of  it and later address us as the people who have been there and done that.

but those were the stories from past,my condition today is like Ram gopal verma – the once upon a time famous director who was then know for making outstanding movies like “Bhoot” and “satya” but today his  crap movies like RGV ki Aag has topped the chart of flop movies .Very similarly until last year i was known as a person who grew an account of 1 lac a month to 40 lac a month in my company and today i am know as a person who has lost 30 lac month ka account and is on the verge of loosing more such accounts in future,i always believed that everyone goes through a rough patch in their life and its the time when you hold on to your ground and take all that comes across as a learning,this sound so easy when you write them !! but when times like this winds into your life  you cannot think of holding  on to your ground but can just watch yourself  getting blow away .

Well business is still okay but i am also known in my company as one of the employee who’s got a good perusing skill and recently this skill of mine was put at test by my Management in front of few newbies (Training session /Mock session) and Man how beautifully i bombed in front of them !!  what i don’t understand is that how did i failed ?? i mean i thought i did good but !!! ,anyways i know it can get more worst if it wants too and i am glad that it has gone so far to this manageable extent .what i wonder is, do i see a improvement in my professional life here onwards  ? or is it that  i have just covered 1 hr out of  3 hr exam that’s going on.

Unfaithful

 

Yesterday night at one of my friends place i was watching a stand up comedy act done by Eddie murphy were he joked about infidelity,though it was a comical act and it did made me burst into laugh but somewere i also gave a thought to the subject from a serious angel..Eddie murphy made it look so obvious that cheating your Husband or wife is just as okkey as having a breakfast early morning.i did laugh though over his jokes and comments  but i also had a urge to stop the video because somewere it was giving me a feeling that i rather not brush myself with this reality of life, next day i woke up and switched on the TV and their was this movie unfaithful over movies now channel,A beautiful married couple blessed with a smart 7 yr old son living a decent life and next thing you see is the wife meets this young hunk sort of person and starts sleeping with him.

Sex by nature is so strong that it addicts you towards the opposite person providing you a daily dose of it and you find it really difficult to understand as to whether it is sex or love that has kept you going and same is what had happened with this character in this movie,neverthless in the end after the husband coming to the lights of his cheating wife sin still carries on that relationship and that gradually gives you and the movie a happy ending feeling..but think about the same incident in real,will someone ever be able to stay back with the realtionship after such a unfaithful act by someone whom you loved from your core ?? ,answer could be anything but the fact is that it can be the most difficult decision one person will ever have to take and if you dont want to that one person then please watch this movie Unfaithful once and you will have a smile on your face and your mind at its right place.

PS : Also to mention fab acting by Richard Gere 🙂

Kya Life hai ??

We all live today for a better tomorrow and we all are never happy with our present life’s,that’s a fact,agree or disagree,3 years back same day and same time i feel that i was living a much better life then today,to think about i was young,fit with my health (Work out and all),i had this new set of college friends and all the kind of masti times with them,and also back home i use to have a rocking time with my chuddi buddies,had a part time job which i was managing  pretty well then,and finally a one year old girlfriend with whom i was having a nice serious relationship…all put together a wonderful life !!

Who had thought that all this could change not for better but for the bad,today MBA is over which is good but along with that my MBA friends too are over,we all though are in touch with eachother with our smart phones ( use to have chindi phone during our college days) but then we all are just that once for a while phone call which are mostly avoided intentionally due to lack of interest or lack of time .With chuddi buddies its even more bad ,their was a time when we use to meet every single day and had so many thing to talk about without those liquor inside,but today we meet once in a week and the glimpse of the situation is somewhat like heads pointed towards that TV in the corner of the bar with a drink in our hand and then suddenly one would turn his head and say “kya pakau life ho gaya hai ya”,Girlfriend stayed for long 4.5 years until with time the realationship turned out to be agreement  with promises turning out to a clause in that agreement which was breached by one with the other paying the penalty for it.i am sure you all know the story 😦 …So all this happening around yet what has completely kept me busy is my work which sucked then and sucks even today,its something that can keep me involved but can never make me happy.

Also a new chapter in the story which will unfold soon is my “Hunt for the New home” and all this i am doing alone,i knw i knw !! its not a big deal for your guys but imagine a guy who bought his first cheap phone at the age of 23 buying a home 4 years down the line…kya samjhe !!

He is back !!

 

7548 is now 8819,so after 8 years my dear friend Ajay has changed his number,had just received his call 🙂

It was my first job,the fist official one and he was my one of the best friend out their,we share a very common life between us and damn had good resemblnce in the activities that we use to do,perhaps Anju who gave me my first real life love experience was the actual reason for ajay and me to know more as friend (Ajay was anjus good friend) i was a mess then and was new to this entire game of love and ajay was an expert ,i still laugh at the fact that i had to have him to convey Anju that i liked her which in todays date i cant imagine someone else doing it for me..lol !!!

Anyways time stormed and soon we all moved on with our life,Anju and i broke up for good and Ajay too had his bad time with his wife having separated after which he escaped all for a better life to dubai somewhere and worked their.but all this year i still had his number flashing on my phone every now and then and boy we never had to search for topic to talk we had so many thing in common even after having separated for years,i mean can you tell me some of your own friends name who doesn’t stays in touch with you for long and that once in an occasion call can go upto 1 hour…naa i don’t think so,not at-least with the kind of life that we all are in these days.

Anyways this time too we had a long conversation,and a bigg promise to meet soon,i remember the last time when he had come and i just could not meet him up how sad i was but i am not the one to be blamed for this please !! As with this kinda work of mine and his so many friends qued up to catch up with him it was impossible, but all said and done this time we will surely meet as Ajay is here to stay ….last time when he had come it was a month back yes Ajay is no more a ISD CALL !!

Time Rolled back !!

I assume not all emotions can be shared and not all problems can be fixed,its only time who can work wonders for you,as they say time heals all and things gets fixed with time !!

Yesterdays morning was like any other usual weekdays morning for me,i was awaiting to receive a call from one of my client with whom i had a meeting fixed but then coz of some reason the venue was not yet decided,it looked as if i might end up meeting him at andheri were i had also planned some other meeting too,until suddenly at the very last moment the venue was changed to Vashi,VASHI !! This place i haven’t been for a very long time for now and memories once upon a time had me strolling on the streets of vashi every alternate day,it was almost like my second home then and i might have heard about this place a zillion times in past few years.

This legs had to gather courage to take every step and this minds had random million thoughts erupting one behind other,it was the most difficult meeting that i had done ever since i have been working with this company,soon the train touched the vashi station and  i landed my first step which almost shook me from within, as it was the same place were it had all started and it looked all same today,it all looked as if it just yesterday that i was waiting at the station for hours to catch that one train,nothing really had changed as i slowly started taking this heavy steps towards the clients office ,everything right from begining till end was a deep valley of memories which will remain in my heart for long,memories which could had been a something that i could have cherished today but now its just an pain..and deep horrible pain in this heart !!

Time has passed but that shows only on the calender,rest all have stood still ..wonder when time will pass over this memories !! I wonder…:-(